Business Secrets of the Pharaohs

whereiscat:

Northern people are generally funnier than the rest of the uk.

*more backwards and inbred

Some people sleep walk.

I sleep eat.

Vegeta is the best character in the Dragonball universe and anyone who says otherwise is WRONG.

hemingwaylionthroatpunch:

Finished my essay so time for a mild sense of discomfort for some of you.

A select number of blogs I follow purely because they annoy me and I always need something to be angry at. 

Can you guess who you are?

Answers on a postcard.  

I do this too

But if I’ve been following you for a while you’re probably safe

Cause there’s only so much I can take of blogs that infuriate me

I just listened to the call me maybe song

I don’t like it

The best part is now if Callum gets a t-shirt with his face on it I can say I started a trend

Remember when Jeremy Clarkson put his bank account number and sort code in the Sun to make a point about how people couldn’t steal money from you with just those things.

Then a charity stole money from him

I think

maybe

Jeremy

should have done one thing

maybe

he should have fucking googled it first

just maybe

just an idea

google

I may have just bought a t-shirt with my face on it

specifically my passport photo

I don’t know why I did this

But I have now so we’ll all just have to accept it

I have a t-shirt with this on it

my facial hair is just not as good on webcam as in real life

tomorrow I might shave the sides and just work on a decent goatee so I can be Tony Stark

Last night I dreamt that I bought a house and let Callum and John live with me

And I forgot where the house was one day and didn’t have my phone on me

I knew which street it was on so I took a random guess

I put my head through the window

and shouted “Callum or John, Can you let me in I forgot where we live!”

And then Dara O’Briain came up to the window and was like “FECK AWF THIS IS MY HOUSE” 

Then the next day I went over to apologize

and he invited me in for dinner

and we were friends

When I was about 10 I stood on the table in my classroom and started dancing whilst singing the Dragonball Z theme tune

And by dancing I mean thrusting whenever I said the word ‘ball’, occasionally grabbing my crotch

I’m not sure why

kingunderthemountain:

iamsexy:

I don’t know how many people are aware of this

But you can hire Dave Benson Phillips for Get Your Own Back parties

As in he will come to wear you live

and play Get Your Own Back 

come to ‘wear’ you live

COME TO ‘WEAR’ YOU LIVE

YOU FUCKING IGNORANT FUCKING CUNTWOUHGIELAJNWRKFAEHGYEJ;KL

THAT WAS AUTO CORRECT I SWEAR

I’M SO ASHAMED

I don’t know how many people are aware of this

But you can hire Dave Benson Phillips for Get Your Own Back parties

As in he will come to where you live

and play Get Your Own Back 

livvy:

cloudbride:

raisedbyfuckingdevils:

teen girl kills herself because gerard way now resembles her own father

every day he looks more and more like billy corgan 

I could not care less. Who cares how old you are or what you look like as long as you’re still cool and he’s still cool. He’s just got it, man

holy shit he does look like Billy Corgan

fxckd:

give me your bank account number and sort code and i’ll rate your blog

tedbundywasahusky:

heard someone shout YOLO today

nearly punched them

I don’t understand why the people who keep repeating YOLO would make people want to kill them

YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE GUYS STOP MAKING PEOPLE WANT TO MAKE IT SHORTER FOR YOU

tedbundywasahusky:

when iron man calls hawkeye legolas 

that is all

kingunderthemountain:

Looks like you’re wearing lipstick

the worst part about ‘YOLO’ is that people use it to justify really mundane things

“gonna have a mcdonalds today! YOLO” 

“going for a walk in the rain! YOLO”

If you must say it then at least use it to justify something that’s genuinely worth living only once for